Feeling down?
Feeling sour?
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Have a cuppa with ME...

Monday, May 30, 2005

3days passed. She went for sports camp which i can also go bt i decided not to go anyway. Unable to brin her phone along. Ok, i admit.. I missed her alot. Sigh. I cant seemed to do things right. Right b4 she left for her camp, we chat on e phone. E conversation keep ponderin on my mind. I need her to solve tt mystery. Sigh. I guess only she can solve it. Alright guys... pls do me a big favour. Can u guys pls tell me who's me n what's me. My weaknesses n strength. I'm lost. I cant seemed to find myself nw. U guys knws me best so i need u guys to tell me abt me frm inside out.. U cant tag 2tell me. What abt writting testimonal in friendster? Thanks in advance.

Uh n pls ignore this confession if u want.. Cus it's jus a confession tt i want to mke. First of all, i'll lk to apologise to ppl who cares n loves me. I knw there r. Well, i thot of endin my very own life n i tried to end it all. Silly right? Aft writtin an entry for my diary, i thot it was e last one i'm gona write. And whn i was halfway in endin my life, i realised.. I jus cant bear to leave my family, my beloved friends, n.. her. I just cant bear to. But at tt point of tme i cant help thinkin tt i'm so useless n am sucha failure. I can hear my heart shattered.. i'm so tired, i'm so emotionally drained too. I knw i'm stupid n silly when i'm always discouragin that cuz it's e stupidiest way to avoid things. Yes i am stupid. i'm so tired. I dont understnd why do i evn exist in this world to make a pest out of people.

I really dont wish to go on anymore. I cant say no one cares, I hv no rights to.. But thinking tt i dont feel her care anymore. I'm nth at all.. NOTHING! sigh. Thinking back, if i really end my life at that pt, perhaps some ppl who cares will mourn n cry for me.. some maybe happy when i departed from this world.. But aft some time? Everyone will forget abt me eventually. isn't it better for everyone? My, now i realised.. I'm emotionally unstable. Sigh i dont need anyone's sympathy nor pity or whatever.. sigh. In the end i stopped myself. The feeling of cant bear to leave was just so strong. I'm feeling so.. miserable n terrible noe. I'm sorry, i could not help it at that pt. I was struggling so hard. I dunno if i've made the right choice in continuing to live.. I just hope evrything will get better each day or one day.I find living in this world so meaningless.. so tiring. Sigh if not for my family, my clique n friends n... her.. i would hv leave this world long ago. Esp ppl who hv constantly been giving me support n care. So thanks buds.

Well, i'm aint myself anymore. I dont seem to be myself. I dunno why. I might b smiling outside but it's bleeding badly inside. I cant find the joy of laughing now.. Its so painful to laugh. Sigh, I'm just living in despair now. & yes, you can say i'm drinking to immune myself. Its really bad for my stomach knwin my condition.But it's e only way for me to laugh n cry my heart out.. e only way to get out of this world for a lil while.

I've plucked up my courage to write this entry down.. I'm so sorry.. :(


posted by chapter at 1:33 PM :: comment link here

About Me

Name: Yu Hui
Birthday: 24th December 1986
Am addicted to white mask and CK Be
I am what i am. Reality aint my cup of tea
Mushrooms anyone?
No doubt i love my loves
I'mma stuborn freak, i won't deny that

I've learnt the hard way

I'd rather walk away

If a picture paints a thousand words, then shut up and paint!

Smile is one of the most mesmerizing part of thy soul. It captivates one's beauty.

The eyes are the window of your soul too. It speak volumes. It says, i'm hungry.



Some things are better left unsaid...


I'll not make e same mistakes that you did
I'll not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I'll not break e way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned e hard way, to never let it get tt far
Because of you
I never stray too far from e sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on e safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long b4 you point it out
I cannot cry, bcus I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with.. Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everythin it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nth could go wrong
Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I’m barely hangin on
Here I am, once agn
I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see e tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everythin, opened up n let you in
You made me feel alright, for once in my life
Now all tts left of me is what I pretend to b
So together, but so broken up inside
Cause I can’t breathe, no I can’t sleep
I’m barely hanging on.. I'm so afraid tt you're saying it's over
It's e last thing tt I wanna hear
But if your heart's not in it, for real
Pls don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cuz I would gv e whole world, for you
Anythin you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
You say tt you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just sayin e words
If you've got smth to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it b heard
I'm so afraid tt you're sayin it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you
If your hearts not in it, for real
Pls dont try to fake what you don't feel
If e loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I wld gv e whole world, for you
Anythin you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your hearts not in it..


_Shout Out ta me_


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